Amy’s Story
During the 8th month of my mother´s pregnancy with me, my older sister was almost killed by a speeding driver, outside our family home. My sister was rushed to hospital for brain surgery and to repair damage to her skull with titanium plates, but doctors could not reverse the hearing loss and brain damage caused by the accident. My sister was to stay in hospital for almost a year.
My mother told me later that she would hold her belly and beg me ´not to be born´, and in fact I was born 4 weeks later than my due date. In utero I was subjected to floods of adrenalin, cortisol and distressing emotions as I directly shared in my mother´s fear, despair, sadness and overwhelm. Right from the start, my physiology and brain were imprinted with a view of the world as hostile. I imagine that if anyone could have asked me at the time, I would have said that I didn’t want to be born.
But this was just the beginning - our family life was unhappy and incredibly difficult for me, resulting in emotional burdens that were overwhelming by the time I was a teenager, and which lead to drug addictions, eating disorders and destructive relationships. When I was 16 years old, my reality was so weighed down by internal pain that I decided that somehow I had to find a solution - life couldn’t possibly have to be this painful, could it?
I became a spiritual seeker and searched for books, techniques, and teachers all over the world. I was looking for ´enlightenment´ which I believed would bring me everlasting peace and happiness.
Although I went on to have many spiritual experiences, none of them lasted long, and the pain seemed to become worse after each of them. For a while I gave up, certain that there was no way out.
When I was 33, I had an unexpected experience that lasted about a month; one day without any warning, my everyday anxieties suddenly fell away and I found myself as an enormous, expansive open space of awareness - my normal egoic personality seemed to have dissolved. I was elated. I was at peace. I had no more questions. This was it!
About a month later, equally without warning, the experience ended. Yet again it was as if nothing had ever happened - my old personality structure was back strongly as ever, along with my suffering. It was to be the beginning of a couple of years of misery, as I sought to relive my glimpse of ‘enlightenment’.
Frustrated, I started reading about how ‘The Body Keeps The Score’ (written by Bassel Van Der Kolk) and began to realise that these traumas seemed to be stored in my body, and appeared to be emotions that were sort of ‘velcroed’ to certain beliefs - about myself and the world. I allowed myself to stop seeking spiritual answers, and decided to directly address my emotional traumas.
Again, I studied different techniques,and tried everything on myself. I made progress and was able to move through some of the stronger repressed emotion/belief complexes that were driving the suffering my life. AND, to my surprise, I came to discover that the messy and painful parts of myself were valuable parts of my whole, healed self.
Although I had already had a taste of my true nature, my unintegrated parts would not allow me to ‘stay in self’ as long as they remained isolated, showing their presence in moments of stress or despair. This discovery revolutionised my approach to my own healing and my work as a guide - I saw that to be in harmony in my life, I had to be in harmony with all my parts, even those I was ashamed of or didn’t want to face. By doing this all of my experiences became trailheads to self-discovery and I was able to come to trust the process that was trying to unfold in me.
The work I offer allows the integration needed for the simple, yet radical realisation of who you really are and allows your true self to shine.
It’s this important and powerful work that I offer to those who are ready.
With love,
Amy